Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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