Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
