Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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