Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
