I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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