I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
