ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
