hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Randomize
