Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
