Umm I'm too high to move.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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