ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
