i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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