Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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