It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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