I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
