Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
