you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
