fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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