see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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