I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
