he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
