I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize