ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
