1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
