Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
