I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
