Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
