He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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