I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
