Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I have demons in me.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
sarcasm needs its own font
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
