Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I forgot wine drunk hurts
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
