I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
