would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
