I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize
