I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
