the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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