walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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