How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Be still, my beating vagina.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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