Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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