the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize