i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
It's just like the Real World with babies
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
