This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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