What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
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