If i come over, it means nothing
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
