hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Holy shit dude........stairs
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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