walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
