it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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