So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
