he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
