I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
