dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
