I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize