brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
