I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
