Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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