took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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