Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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