i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize