Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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