she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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