yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
We named our party play list daddy issues
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
