grandma shit on top of the toilet
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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