As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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