I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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