I wish I could punch you in the face.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
