we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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