That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
