There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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