if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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