Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
he was CRYING into my vagina
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
