no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize