I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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