I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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