he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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