We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
