Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
