remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
