Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
