Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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