I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
