We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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