Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm at about main and main street
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
