Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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