Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
