is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
