I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
