apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
