Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
