I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
