I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
