I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
