garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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