He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
