I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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