drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
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