Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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