Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
