Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
