Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
