I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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