She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
