So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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