I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Randomize
