Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
