I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
