Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
