can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize