Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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