I think my vagina is haunted
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
