it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
