I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
