We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
